i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
