She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize
