No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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