So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
