I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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