so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
