The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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