It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Every concussion has its silver lining
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
