Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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