You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
