fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
did you just send me my own nude
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
