why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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