i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
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