you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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