i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
