I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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