Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
If its not for food we ain't going out.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
