I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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