i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
