i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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