u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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