I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
