We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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