so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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