No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
