Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
