new low.... made out with someone while peeing
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
