I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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