ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
