I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Randomize
