You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Congratulations! We have a period
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