Need sex. Gaining weight.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Randomize
