eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
