New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
