those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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