I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Houston, we have a squirter
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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