I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
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