The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Randomize
