So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
