I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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