I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
