Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
