I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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