I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
We left an ass print on the piano.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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