Joe is yelling at the trees again.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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