A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
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You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
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"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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