Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
We have started to decorate penises.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
