eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Dick very happy bro
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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