did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
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