so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Randomize
