I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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