Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
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