the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
We need to rekindle our bromance
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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