nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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