she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
your room smells of hookers.
And success
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Randomize
