I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
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We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
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