I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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