I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
