I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
