i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
