I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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