She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
