i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
