take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
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