after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
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