I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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