It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
