My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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