i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
