I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
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