um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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