I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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