what day is it and did you see me today?
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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