had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
