3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Randomize
