Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
