If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
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