well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
You don't make any sense
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