It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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