Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
