Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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