is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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